Harry Potter and the Animal Regurgitation Parade
by fawkes-basilisk
Summary: Harry eats hedwig, Hermiones a pureblood, draco crys and goyle is an icubated baby..hmm read it to find out.
1. hedwigs fate

Harry Potter and the Animal Regurgitation Parade.

Chapter one, Hedwigs fate. 

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Harry Potter was writing an important letter that would decide the rest of the life. He was writing to Minerva McGonacgall, about their current love affair.

This is what the letter said.

- Minny,

Hello fair lady. I was sitting there polishing my wand and I was thinking about you. I was thinking about our… baby. How is little Eloise by the way? I hope she's doing okay. I just wanted to check up on you. I know you don't want anyone to know about our love affair and us not just being "friends." I know it's hard, it's hard for me too. I'll send this letter with Hedwig as soon as possible. Good-bye.

All my love forever,

Harry –

Harry tried to tie this important letter to Hedwig and said, "Go on Hedwig, send this to Min- I mean Professor McGonacgall, as soon as possible, and hurry it up a bit it's important, you've been slacking off lately, My letter to Sirius didn't get to him until three weeks after I sent it" Hedwig pulled her leg away and talked for the first time in her life and said to Harry, this is what she said, she said "Harry, I am sick of being treated like some kind of animal, I don't like the way you throw mean words at me and act like it goes in one ear and out the other, I may be nocturnal but, I am an intelligent human" Harry looked peculiarly at Hedwig and said "Oh Hedwig stop being such a baby, WAIT are you…talking?" "YES, AND I REFUSE TO SEND ANY MORE LETTERS AND BE SOME KIND OF, OF MAIL CARRIER! Is that what you think I am? WELL I'M NOT! I have needs Harry." And with that Harry gulped up Hedwig in one large bite and said "Well looks like I'll have to send Scabbers with this letter." He looked away and thought to himself, 'Did I just have a conversation with a bird?' 

Hermione was walking out to the great hall when she heard a loud shriek. She thought, 'that couldn't be Harry eating his bird could it?' she ruled that out and just thought he had Ginny up there for a wild ride, or maybe…Ron, any one of the Weasleys really. Just then, VOLDEMORT pops in and says "Hermione, since you're a pureblood, and I'm a little boy will you go to the Yule Ball with me this year?" Hermione looked disgusted "YOU PERVERT, you must be at least 78 years, 8 months, 4 weeks, 19 days, 6 hours, 5.5 minutes, and 10.0001 seconds old!" blurted out Hermione between eating parts of Scabbers. "Correction Hermione, I am 78 years, 8 months, 4 weeks, 19 days, 6 hours, 5.5 minutes, and 10.0002 seconds old, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, I guess you don't know it all, NA NA NA NA NA, I don't want to go out with no more… sorry" Hermione burst into tears and ran down the hall, looked at Draco Malfoy, said "Watch it Mudblood, I'll eat you if you're not careful" Draco looked scared and began to cry. He picked up Goyle, since Goyle was only 78 pounds, and ate him. He said "MMM tastes like chicken" Goyle then popped out of Dracos stomach and said "your stomach was warm, I liked it in there PUT ME BACK, I felt like a incubated baby" Draco then turned into a worm and began to flop around, Ron came by and said "OOOH spaghetti!" picked up Draco/Worm and slurped him up.

THE END. For now WINK WINK!

Thanks!

A/n. REVIEW AND TELL US WHAT YOU THINK! Oh yea! ITS GONNA GET GOODER! *~*Love, Tee & Lee*~*

Ps. We own Harry Potter, and everything about it, heck we even own JK Rowling! JJJKKKK we don't own them, Tee own Dracos wand if you know what I mean..Hehehe. Lee owns Ron's broomstick, teeheehee.

The next chapter will be posted in ONE HOUR. That would be, 9:42 central standard time, we are in the states * sigh *


	2. The mood saddens

Harry Potter and the Animal Regurgitation Parade

Chapter 2 – The mood is saddened

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Harry had just eaten his bird Hedwig, and now he was having second thoughts. 'Oh no, Scabbers can't fly. And…Hedwig was the only way I could get some when Minny was away. Crap, this SUCKS. I'm horny NOW. I must see Minny-Pookins at once.' And with that, Harry was storming down the Hogwarts halls yelling, "MINNY, WATCH OUT, YOUR FRY DADDY IS COMING!" Several people were starting to wonder about Harry. Mrs. Norris began to shout "HEY EVERYONE, HARRY IS DATING PROF-" Harry cut her off by stuffing her in his mouth. Then he ran some more. He burst into Minerva's office and there, on the scarlet satin sheets, were Professor McGonagall and none other than…ALBUS DUMBLEDORE, snogging away * AN: we're trying to sound British *. Harry then burst into tears. It was the first time anyone had ever seen Harry cry since…yesterday, when Neville ate his toast. "I HATE YOU ALL, DIE DIE DIE" Harry yelled. "HARRY POTTER, you must NEVER look at me in that tone of voice, young man." Minerva shouted, even though it was kind of muffled since Dumbledore was snogging her some more. "Yeah, well…" Harry cried, then pulled out Eloise, who was in his pocket. This was made possible BECAUSE Eloise was a legless child in the second dimension. "WATCH THIS!" Harry then shoved Eloise in his mouth and chomped down hard. 

AN: Squirrels are really brave if you think about. 

Ron has not really been in here that much, so here he is.

Ron walked into the Gryffindor common room and saw Harry sitting there crying. "Harry, what's wrong?!" Ron asked. Harry replied by screaming in agony. "HARRY, WHAT'S THE MATTER?" Ron repeated. "Oh, nothing." Harry said coolly while grinning. Then he started tittering uncontrollably. "Ron, let's run away together. We can live our lives as Mr. and Mrs. NotPotter. No one will ever know it is us!" "Harry, what's the matter with you? I'm dating Kim Possible, didn't you know?" Ron said, apologetically. "NNOOOOOO!" Harry screamed, then started crying, again. "Harry, pull yourself together, man! We're going into the forest after all. Got to have your wits about you." Ron shouted over the constant crying. "So it's true, what they were saying at dinner? Harry Potter is a homo?" Said a Malfoy-ish voice. Draco had popped out of Ron's stomach and was sneering at Harry. "Yes, so? Your point is…?" Harry said, looking confused. "WHOA, ME TOO!" Draco cried, then flung his arms around Harry. Wait, worms don't have arms. REWIND. Draco had popped out of Ron's stomach and magically transformed into himself, not a worm. Ok, back to where we left off. "Harry, we can run off and live our lives as Mr. and Mrs. NotMalfoy!" Draco sang out happily and then kissed Harry with a long, passionate kiss. Draco then said "So…what do you think?" Harry replied with…

MOOWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW. Oh wait, yes you will. Next chapter: 10:42 central standard time. DON'T MISS OUT. You'll be sorry.

~*~Lee & Tee~*~

Lindsay Lauren: WOOHOOO you were our very first review! Thanks for adding us to favourites, be sure to check up for more stories. By the by, Lee's real name is Lindsay, so yes, very nice name indeed. You're ok in our book.


	3. play that funky music white boy

Harry Potter and the Animal Regurgitation Parade: Chapter 3 

**"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" he said with intense agony. By this time Hermione was there too and she was naked cause she's a slut. She wanted some but all the guys were gay. So then they all washed each others hair with herbal essences and shouted "OOOHHH AHHHHHHH OOOH YYEESSS" and Dumbledore walked in and said "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS" and Harry put some shampoo in Dumbledores hair and said "What is the meaning of what, professor?" seductively. Everyone laughed and then Draco and Harry kissed passionately and then they all dropped dead from lack of cheese. THEN THEY CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD WEARING CLOWN MAKEUP and said "TIKO TIKO TIKO" and someone said "wheres that bunny?" from way down yonder in the pa-pa patch. They all started eating eggs and saying how much they loved clowns. Then this girl named Kayni walks in and said "im a new student" and they killed her. OH JEZ. But then she came back to life and said "IM A MUGGLE AND IM PROUD I CAN FLOAT AND EAT SOME CLOUDS" and Harry said "Youre ugly" and she died again this time, it was final. Then Harry started to feel a little sick and getting dry heaves. he said "I IZ GETTING DRI HEEVES! I tihnnk im gonna puke up hedwig!!!!!!" then he did and hedwig said "I IZ So0o MAD AT YOU HARRY IC ANT BELIEVE YOU ATE ME!!!!!" and then hedwig said "EVERYONE PUKE NOW!" and they all puked up everyone they ever ate and had a parade and called it "harry potter and the animal regurgitation parade" and everyone lived happily ever after**

**THE END**

**Epilogue will be soon. :D lots of love to the homies who stuck it out and read our weird story. WE LOVE YOU. :D**

***~*~*~*tee and cee~*~* lee is cee now ok? Ok.**

**I LOVE YOU GUYS Soo0o0o MUTCH!**

**Oh yez and another thing..tom and Rupert are here, they say they love our story. :D you should too.**


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